Men's Group Phase 1
The men had to work through a list of statements which are often Myths or Excuses men use to justify why they have a right to be angry.
Here is an example of some of the work the group did under the guidance of Brett (a member of the Heavy M.E.T.A.L team):
Eg statement: “She knows how to press my buttons”
Q: Is it a myth or excuse?
A: Myth – you make your own choice to change your mood/attitude/behaviour/past insecurities
Q: When do we use them?
A: We use this when we:
- Have our manhood questioned
- Don’t get our own way
- Past failures come up
- Feel insecure about ourselves or a situation we are in
Q: Where and how I learned them?
A: I have learnt this from:
- Male role models in my life
- Not knowing any way of expressing my emotions
- Culture beliefs which have taught me I have to have the answers otherwise I am not a “real” man
Q: In what ways does this myth or excuse contribute to moving on the cycle?
A: It drives me through Build up; it adds fuel to the fire which can lead me to Explosion within seconds. It also keeps me going around and around the cycle
Q: What effects has this myth/excuse had on my relationship and others?
A: My children have copied my behaviour
- Others go around the cycle with me
- The communication breaks down with my partner and children
- I become vindictive
Q: List the benefits and costs of using this myth/excuse
A: Selfish Benefits! At the time it is about my benefits
- It leads to relationship breakdown, it creates resentment
- Breaks the trust and creates isolation
Overall it was a great night with a lot of positive energy in the room, with constructive discussion with the men being accountable for their behaviour and looking forward to putting in practice treating love ones without using Myths and Excuses.