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It’s Not My Fault; My Partner Is the Problem

15th April 2025. Reading Time: 6 minutes Behavioural Change, Anger Management, Communication, Equality, Relationships. 92 page views.

Struggling in relationships often starts with false beliefs like "It's not my fault." This article shares a powerful story of personal transformation, showing how taking responsibility can break toxic patterns and strengthen connections. It introduces the Heavy M.E.T.A.L Group, a program helping men and teens learn to manage anger, communicate effectively, and build trust. Learn about the 7-Step Anger Management Masterclass by David Nugent, based on decades of experience, offering practical tools and direct access to his guidance. Plus, get the free eBook Breaking the Barriers of Love, which tackles issues like jealousy, pride, and poor communication. Discover how to rewrite these false beliefs and start your transformation. Ready to lead a happier, healthier life?

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For years, I told myself a story that justified my anger and frustrations. That story went something like this: It's not me. It's her. My partner is the reason we argue. She presses my buttons. She makes me lose my temper. If she would change, everything would get better.

I believed that story for a long time, but looking back, I see how damaging it was. It wasn't just hurting my relationship. It was keeping me stuck in toxic patterns that weren't working. That false belief it's not my fault, allowed me to avoid taking responsibility for my actions and emotions. And as long as I ignored my own role in the problems, nothing could change.

This article is about the moment I realised just how wrong I'd been, how taking responsibility saved my relationship, and how that turning point gave me a new mission in life. Today, I help men and teenagers rewrite their own false beliefs. Through the Heavy M.E.T.A.L. Group, my 7-Step Anger Management Masterclass, and my free e-book, I teach the same lessons that transformed my life.

If you feel stuck, angry, or trapped in a cycle of blame, I want you to know there's a way out. And I'm here to help you find it.

Before we begin, take the first step for yourself. I wrote a free e-book, Breaking the Barriers of Love: Overcome Jealousy, Pride, and Toxic Patterns for Stronger Relationships. It covers key issues like jealousy, pride, poor communication, and rebuilding trust. You can download it for FREE Here.

Now, this is how my story began.

The Belief That Held Me Back

For a long time, I convinced myself that the problems in my relationship weren't mine to fix. I thought things like:

  • "If she would stop nagging me, I wouldn't get so angry."
  • "She knows exactly how to push my buttons."
  • "None of this would happen if she just stopped being difficult."

Sound familiar? Blaming her felt safe because I didn't have to look at myself. I thought it made me strong to stand my ground. But here's the truth I couldn't see back then: blaming someone else doesn't solve anything. It just keeps you stuck.

The more I blamed my partner, the worse things got between us. The same arguments kept happening, and resentment built up. After years of this pattern, I felt our relationship slowly crumbling under the weight of our problems.

But I didn't think the problem had anything to do with me back then. That was the biggest lie of all.

The Moment That Changed Everything

I still remember the argument that finally opened my eyes. About 30 years ago, my relationship was on the edge of collapse. I was frustrated, angry, and sure that I was right. During another heated argument, I did what I'd always done: blamed her.

Then, she said something that stopped me cold.

"David, do you even hear yourself? You're so busy blaming me for everything that you can't see what you're doing. You don't realise how much harm you're causing—not just to me, but to us."

At first, I pushed back the way I always did. I told myself, "She's exaggerating. This isn't my fault." But deep down, her words hit differently. I could hear the pain in her voice, and something inside me shifted.

For the first time, I asked myself a tricky question. What if she's right? What if I'm part of the problem?

That moment was my wake-up call. It forced me to stop pointing fingers and start looking inward. And once I did, I saw things I'd avoided for years.

How I Broke the Cycle

Acknowledging that I was part of the problem wasn't the end of the story. It was just the beginning. I knew I needed to change, but I didn't know how. That's where the real work began.

I started reflecting on why I reacted so strongly when we argued. I realised her so-called "nagging" wasn't the issue. My inability to handle emotions like frustration and insecurity was. I'd been bottling up my feelings instead of expressing them healthily.

One of the biggest lessons I learned was this: nobody can "press your buttons" unless you allow them to. My emotions were my responsibility. It wasn't her job to "fix" me.

It was a long process, but things began to change as I learned to manage my emotions and communicate openly. Slowly but surely, my partner and I started rebuilding trust and understanding. Today, our relationship is stronger than I could have imagined back then.

Founding the Heavy M.E.T.A.L. (Men's Education Towards Anger & Life)Group

That turning point didn't just save my relationship. It gave me purpose.

I realised there were so many men out there who were stuck in the same cycle I had been. They didn't know how to handle their emotions and blamed their partners for problems they didn't understand. I wanted to help them break free.

That's why I founded the Heavy M.E.T.A.L. Group. Heavy M.E.T.A.L stands for Men's Eduction Towards Anger & Life. Over the last twenty years, through this group, I've worked with hundreds of men and teenagers, helping them learn to take responsibility for their lives and relationships. It's been one of the most rewarding parts of my life.

The 7-Step Anger Management Masterclass

I created the 7-Step Anger Management Masterclass Online Program to reach even more people. I wrote this program based on everything I've learned—from my experience and empowering others for over two decades. It's a process that's worked for me and helped hundreds of others, and it can work for you, too.

This masterclass is practical and easy to follow. It teaches you how to deal with emotional triggers, manage your anger, and improve your communication skills. But the program offers more than just tools and lessons. One of its most significant advantages is that you won't do this alone.

When you join the program, you get ongoing access to me, David Nugent. That means I'll be in your corner, helping you through challenges and guiding you. Having someone to support you makes all the difference, and I'm here to ensure you succeed.

The truth is, anger itself isn't the problem. It's part of being human. The problem comes from how we choose to use it. If we react without thinking, we create harm. But if we learn to pause, reflect, and respond mindfully, we can use anger as a force for growth instead of destruction.

Whether you're a teenager, father, husband, or somewhere in between, this program can help.

Breaking the Barriers of Love

Another resource I created to help men and teenagers like you is my free eBook, Breaking the Barriers of Love: Overcome Jealousy, Pride, and Toxic Patterns for Stronger Relationships.

This book tackles some of the most significant barriers that destroy relationships, including:

  1. Lack of Trust: Why trust is the foundation of every relationship.
  2. Poor Communication: How misunderstandings lead to emotional distance.
  3. Jealousy: The hidden damage it causes and how to overcome it.
  4. Pride Over Partnership: Why pride often leads to a lose-lose situation.
  5. Resentment and Grudges: How holding onto pain weakens even the strongest bonds.

This eBook isn't just about identifying the problems. It's about giving you practical tools and steps to solve them. If you're ready to take the first step toward stronger relationships, download it for Free Here.

You Can Change, Too

If you've told yourself, "It's not my fault," I want to challenge you to rethink that belief. Change doesn't start with other people. It starts with you.

I've seen hundreds of men and teenagers transform their lives through the Heavy M.E.T.A.L Group, the 7-Step Anger Management Masterclass, and Breaking the Barriers of Love. They've mended relationships, built confidence, and gained peace of mind. You can do it, too.

Visit www.heavymetalgroup.com.au to learn more. Whether you read the eBook, join the masterclass, or reach out to me directly, the most important thing is to take that first step. Register Here for the Masterclass Program.

The road to change isn't always easy, but it's worth it. And remember, I'll be here to help you every step of the way.

This is your moment. Are you ready to take it?