Nobody has the right to demean you .... NOBODY

15th December 2019. Reading Time: 1 minute Anger Management, Behavioural Change, Relationships, Bullying, Conflict Resolution, Domestic Violence, Equality, General. 2004 page views.

It is not necessarily physical blows that are the most harmful and I certainly do not minimise or dismiss the impact physical abuse has on a partner. In all the years I have been facilitating Mens Behaviour Change Programs and counselling men, it amazes me how as men we are quick to justify our position and quick to take our partners perspective as a personal attack and therefore believe we are justified to attack back.

It is not necessarily physical blows that are the most harmful and I certainly do not minimise or dismiss the impact physical abuse has on a partner. In all the years I have been facilitating Mens Behaviour Change Programs and counselling men, it amazes me how as men we are quick to justify our position and quick to take our partners perspective as a personal attack and therefore believe we are justified to attack back.
What saddens me is the impact this role-modelling has on children who have no choice and have to live with this.
The impact is certainly evident in the schools I work at.

The point here is that words can reduce a person’s self-esteem to next to nothing in an instant. Text messages that tell you that no one cares about you, or that no one likes you because of how you look, are hard to face. The damage can last for years.

Often when challenged we hide behind our behaviour by making out we were joking rather than taking ownership and asking ourselves what’s the real motive behind my words.
Maybe use this as a point of reflection and think about when you last argued with your spouse. Ask yourself the following:

What was my intention?
What was my motive in doing/saying what I did?
What was my belief that by doing this I was going to achieve my desired outcome?

If you know others are walking on eggshells around you I encourage you do something about it rather than throw your hands up and sweep it under the mat.
Remember justifying, blaming and making excuses is not taking ownership of our behaviour. There is no excuse for abusing another person. We all should feel safe, particularly in our homes and with those who “supposedly” love us. Family violence is not about love it’s about Power and Control.
The only person we can change and be accountable for is ourselves.

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