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In this article we are tackling a topic that so many of us face but rarely take the time to understand anger fully.
Anger is one of those emotions that can sneak up on anyone. You might think of it as an outburst from a frustrating moment, a quick flare-up that disappears as fast as it came. But what about the more profound anger?
The kind of anger that seems to rule your life, damage relationships, and leave you feeling guilty afterwards?
That's the anger we're here to talk about.
If you've had moments where your anger made you lose control or caused harm to those around you, you're not alone. This article dives deep into why anger happens, how it shows up in everyday life, and, most importantly, how to stop it from taking over.
Why Do We Get Angry?
First, it's essential to understand that anger isn't inherently bad. Like any other emotion, it's a signal from our body and mind that something needs attention. However, when anger is misunderstood or ignored, it can spiral into something destructive.
Oftentimes, anger is triggered by surface-level events. Someone cuts you off in traffic. Your partner says something critical that hits a nerve. Your kids leave the house in a mess despite your repeated reminders. But here's the thing – these aren't the real problem.
Anger is often the result of deeper roots – unresolved emotions, unmet needs, or past experiences that sow seeds of frustration and pain. If these deeper issues aren't addressed, anger becomes a repeated cycle, like a warning light flashing on your emotional dashboard.
The Stories Behind the Surface
To illustrate this point, let's talk about two real-life examples from David's coaching experiences.
Kevin's Story
Kevin was like a ticking time bomb. He held things together at work, enduring endless requests from his demanding boss. But the most minor thing could set him off when he got home. Are his kids being too loud during dinner? Explosion. His wife asked a simple question—yet another outburst.
After working with David, Kevin finally uncovered the roots of his anger. It wasn't the kids, the noise, or his wife. It was years of unresolved childhood pain. Kevin had always been told to "man up" when he expressed sadness or frustration. Over time, he learned to keep all his emotions bottled up. But emotions don't just dissolve when ignored; they build pressure, and like a shaken soda can, they eventually explode.
Recognising this allowed Kevin to make fundamental changes. He could address what was bothering him by facing his deep-seated feelings rather than letting anger rule his interactions.
Sam's Story
Similarly, Sam wrestled with anger that seemed to come out of nowhere. He would lash out defensively whenever someone made a joke or a comment that hit too close to home. Underneath his bursts of anger was something entirely different—fear of failure. Sam constantly felt like he wasn't good enough, and anger became his shield to protect himself from feeling vulnerable.
With David's help, Sam began reframing his fears. Instead of reacting defensively, he identified the emotions that triggered his anger. He learned how to build confidence and address his insecurities head-on, breaking the cycle of defensiveness and emotional flare-ups.
What's Really Behind Anger?
As Kevin and Sam's stories show, anger is rarely the primary problem. It's the symptom of something bigger happening beneath the surface. Whether it's long-buried wounds from childhood, unmet expectations, or suppressed fears, anger often masks deeper emotions.
But here's the good news: anger isn't something you're destined to carry forever. It's possible to take back control and improve how you handle it, and David has developed practical steps to help you break free from the cycle.
Steps to Break the Anger Cycle
If anger seems to be running your life, try these steps to regain control and start feeling like yourself again.
Step 1: Identify Your Triggers
When you begin to feel anger rising, pause and ask yourself, "What's happening here?" Are you stressed, hurt, scared, or overwhelmed? Often, anger is a secondary emotion covering deeper feelings. Recognising the root cause is the first step toward managing it more effectively.
Step 2: Take a Pause
Catching yourself before you react is a game-changer. A pause, even five seconds of deep breathing, can prevent you from saying or doing something you'll regret later. Count to five, breathe, and remind yourself that you don't have to respond immediately.
Step 3: Express Anger the Right Way
Bottling your feelings up doesn't work, and neither does blowing up. Instead, find healthy outlets for your anger. This could be as simple as journaling your thoughts, talking to a trusted friend, or walking to clear your mind. Constructively expressing emotions can help you process and release your feelings while avoiding damage to your relationships.
Step 4: Ask for Help
There's no shame in asking for help. Whether it's from a therapist, coach, or someone who has gone through similar experiences, reaching out for support is a sign of strength. Sometimes, healing begins with recognising you can't do it alone.
Breaking the Barriers
The cycle of anger doesn't have to define your life. Just as Kevin confronted his childhood wounds and Sam addressed his fear of failure, you can identify and begin to work through the hidden layers that fuel your anger.
But the key is taking that first step.
If you're wondering where to start, David has created a free assessment to help you uncover the areas in your relationships and personal life that might need attention. This assessment is designed to give you a personalised report highlighting where changes can begin and how David can help guide you through the process.
Taking the assessment isn't about pointing out what's "wrong" with you – it's about understanding what's holding you back and building a roadmap toward healthier relationships and emotional freedom.
Action Step
Are you ready to break free from the anger cycle and take control of your emotions? Here's what you can do next:
???? Take the free assessment here.
Moving Forward
Anger doesn't have to control your life. With the right tools, self-reflection, and support, you can transform how you handle your emotions and build stronger, healthier relationships.
Remember, change is a process. It won't happen overnight, but every small step you take brings you closer to the life you want to live.
If you're ready to make those changes, take David's free assessment today and uncover the path toward a more peaceful, fulfilling future. Stay strong, stay open, and keep moving forward. You've got this.